


Nightmares

by Whycantijustbeok



Category: All Time Low (Band), Bandom
Genre: Angst, Bad Boys, F/M, Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Swearing, Teen Pregnancy, Underage Drinking, Underage Sex, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-02
Updated: 2018-06-06
Packaged: 2019-05-17 06:11:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14826848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Whycantijustbeok/pseuds/Whycantijustbeok
Summary: Lilliah was always a private girl, until she he met the boy who changed her life forever.Alex was the bad boy in highschool until he had to change for good.How could these two live through the challenges life thrown to their way?*not an average badboy/nerd story*





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoy it.
> 
> Sorry for the mistakes, English isn't my first language and it's unbetaed.

Hi. I am Lilliah Evangeline Merrick. This is going to be a story about how not to live your life. I mean if you don't want to have your future ruined and stuck with boring, underpaid jobs. All because of some insanely small mistake. So basically I'll tell you what things I fucked up in my teenage years.

***  
I was born into an average family in the US. I've got a brother called Zack who is two years older than me. We lived in New York until I finished my freshman year in high school. We had a flat, close to the busy city centre. I had my own room, that I loved despite the fact, it had the size of a wardrobe. I can't imagine how I put there all of my belongings. We had close relationship with our neighbors and few of our relatives lived near to us, so we always had visitors or we went to see them. I could go and talk to Mrs. Bright when I wanted to. She was an older lady, in her sixties I believe and she was a retired teacher who lived in our flat. She was my only friend back then.

***

The summer I turned sixteen was a milestone in our familys' history. My father got a job offer in Baltimore, so we moved there. We sold our house to a lovely couple with two toddlers and we bought a detached house in Towson. We wanted to have some animals and then my mom brought a dog home from a shelter. We named him Damon after his scarily cute face.

***

About my family members... My parents met in NYC and they've decided to get married around the first anniversary of them being together. Little after their wedding they've found out that they have a baby on the way and since then, they were the happiest couple ever. They may had to work hard to put food on the table, buy us decent clothes and educate us properly, but they didn't mind for a second. Zack and I had a perfect childhood and we always could count on each other. My sibling was rather quiet, but as a massive jock, he joined sport teams in our new place and he became kind of famous easily. All the girls were dying to be his and I was a bit jealous.

I never really got on well with anybody in school and it seemed like the moving hadn't changed my lifestyle. I took my classes which were all boring except Art. I adored this subject and I had big hopes that maybe I could find someone who shares same interests with me. I played on guitar and piano since I was 5 and 7, in my opinion I wasn't that bad, but I never really showed my ability in front of people, except my loved ones.

***

I can imagine that you have enough from my uninteresting introduction, I would be bored too if I was at your place. 

***

So the story where my suffering begins... Let's start with my first party ever, where I lost my mind and I did things that I totally regret now. 

***

Few weeks passed since the year started and I was sitting on the couch in the living room by myself on a Tuesday evening. I had an usual day alone at school. It was around the end of September and I haven't made any friends. There was a girl, called Sabrina who sat with me in Chemistry and we've talked a few times, but I think she was just polite.

 

So, I watched some shitty films on the TV although they couldn't entertain me. I've never understood how could someone like soap operas as much that they watched it every day with huge enthusiasm. I was half asleep when I've heard the door opened up and Zack entered in it. I sat up and looked at him warmly, he automatically took place beside me. 

 

\- What do you want? - I asked after a short period of silence. I knew he wouldn't say anything, instead he was waiting for my curiousness to show up as always. I was stubborn and didn't initiated anything until he finally turned to my direction and spoke up.

 

\- So, you are sixteen, not a little girl anymore. Right? - he murmured seriously. - I was wondering if you want to go to a party at my friend's house this Friday? - the offer surprised me deeply. It was unexpected from Zack. As he told me all he wanted, he grabbed the remote control and clicked to his favorite sports channel. He allowed me time to think about the things he suggested. He was sweet to me, because he had to. All I could think of as a reason was basically our parents decided to make me go out and asked him to take me somewhere. I couldn't say no to him. Even if I had nobody to go with and also nothing to wear. I knew that my mom and dad never had a chance to be alone like forever and they deserved it.

 

\- Okay, but better be a good party or you owe me with some expensive shit. - I blackmailed him with no fear or regret.

\- Deal sis - he grinned, gave me a handshake before turned back to the TV. 

***

Friday came sooner than I thought it would and I had to start getting ready. I wore my only dress which was black and nothing special. I applied some make up and I was somehow excited about the night.

 

\- Oh, you are... ehh... so pretty - this sentence was weird from Zack's mouth but I smiled at him and went straight to his car. Our parents were happy to see me out of the house. Because one, I was always az home and had no social life at all, also two that they could have a romantic dinner just for themselves. 

 

The party was at Rians' house, who was one of my brothers' team mate and they lived in a quite big settlement. I already felt myself lost when we got there and it didn't get better as the time passed. There were loud music, crowd and unknown people. I could recognize only like a dozen familiar faces. I sat there all alone and had no interest in getting touch with anybody. Parties were boring and suck for humans like me.

 

Then it was about 11 p.m. when someone came to me and asked for a dance. I didn't know what to say, anyway he seemed nice and looked handsome so I went with him to the dance floor instead of sitting there by myself. Like the slang what teenagers often used- you only live once-, which means you should take every chance that destiny throws into your way, so did I.

 

We had a few drinks, I've never had that much in my life and I tasted the bad side of being drunk. I lost control over myself and allowed him to bring me inside a blank room. I can't remember what happened there but I am sure I acted like a freaking whore. He seemed more experienced and he managed to take my virginity. I only knew it, because of the next morning I woke up alone in a room without my clothes on and I just felt bad, I lost it. Not that it was my protected treasure that I wanted to save for my one and only true love. I was only mad at myself that I lost it without any further connection towards the guy. 

***

At the weekend I was deathly sick. I had the worst hangover ever, my head hurt like it might explode in any minute, my stomach was upset, I couldn't eat anything and mom was really pissed. She blamed Zack for not protecting me enough from doing something stupid, like getting incredibly drunk. It couldn't be his fault, no one should ask him to be with his weird, antisocial sister for the whole night.

***

I decided to never go out again like this. I took the consequences from my first time and I didn't wanted more. I've seen the guy after the party few times, he was senior as my brother, but he had a reputation from different reasons. He was kind of a bad boy. He was friends with Pete Wentz and his gang which was famous for the troublemaking attitude and I've heard that they are drug users and dealers too. Nicely done. All the girls from my age would be dying for one night with him. Silly me, I was different.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back. I hope you'll enjoy this chapter too. Thank you for the responses :D

A month after the terrible experience I was somewhat over the party accident and I lived as I did before. Except the shameful feeling came back once in a while and messed up my mind. Anyway, I started taking private piano classes after school, sometimes i just picked up my guitar too and played some of my favourite songs to entertain myself. In the old times I used to hang out with Zack to practice on our instruments. He is a truly amazing bassist, but we haven't really talked since that night, so I had to enjoy music alone.

***

\- Lily, come here for a second please - I heard my Mom calling me from downstairs. I got up from my bed, where I was reading some book I recently bought in a small store near to the school area. I loved to have knowledge about different topics. Historical novels were my prefered choices. I moved to see what mother wanted from me with the hope I can get back soon to continue my beloved activity.

\- What can I help you with? - I entered to the kitchen and noticed that she was cooking pasta for dinner. I loved how she made Italian dishes. It tasted like when we were on holiday there and tried the original versions. She looked up at me and waited with the answer until I sat up to the bar chair to talk with her. She seemed a bit nervous, so I thought that we would touch up on some serious issues.

\- You know Darling, we've never mentioned what exactly happened that night - she started seriously. It made me worried about what can I tell her from the actions. We were always close, I thought she'd be the first person whom I open up if I lose my virginity. However at that very moment I felt ashamed and couldn't speak properly.

\- Why now? - I reacted quickly, probably sounding inappropriate.

\- Lilly, please - she sighed heavily while touching the top of my hand. - I thought you need some time for easing up and you'll come for me to talk about it - she shook her head. - I had that image in my head you trust me.

I felt guilty for making her hopes down. She was kind with me in my whole life. I shouldn't be rude to her in return. - Mum, I did some pretty shameful things - I admitted it with my head placed down to face with the counter.

\- You don't have to tell me the details - she caressed my chin with her right hand. - I just want you to know you can tell me anything that bothers you.

\- I'll keep it in mind - nodded slowly. - Thank you - I was about to go back to my room, when a question popped up in me. - Why are you so angry at Zack?

\- Darling, your brother's an adult almost. He needs to take responsibility for the things he's in charge of. He has to learn much about life before he can succeed.

\- What? And why are you making him suffer, because of me? - I got confused.

\- Lilly, some guy raped you and he didn't stopped him - my mom looked more aggressive than I've seen her in my entire life. I couldn't speak, didn't know what to say. She was right, but it wasn't Zacks' fault.

\- I was stupid you know - I started crying like a baby. - He couldn't stop me, I got drunk and slept with an asshole - I stormed out the kitchen without listening to her responses. 

***

Zack was so sad. We haven't made any connection for weeks. Not even after I had the argument with my mother. She seemed a bit less pissed at him and my dad went to his match last weekend, so things shaped up to became more regular. He still looked like an injured animal most of the time. I was worried about him truly, although I couldn't bring myself to ask him why he was that way. I missed my old relationship with him, but we all changed. 

The situation with my brother wasn't the only problem in my life. I hated to admit it, but honestly I wanted nothing, but cancel that party from my past. Everybody heard that I spent the night with a guy - who came out as a popular one - and the rumour about me was annoying. The schoolmates sometimes called me a slut while I was in hearing distance or just laughed at me on the aisle directly. I felt it embrassing. I spent minimum time walking around between classes to avoid the shaming.

I sat at the canteen on a Wednesday afternoon, tried to eat some of my lunch without any disturbing. It was the middle of the week, usually the worst of all days. The only positivity was the private music practise after the lessons in the choir room. So, I was lost in my thoughts about the surviving of the rest of the day, when someone took place next to me. It was a strange experience, nobody talked to a nerdy hustler like I was.

\- Are you Lilly am I correct? - I recognized the guy, he was friend of Pete, like Alex (the guy from the nightmare night). I didn't know his name, just the face what was unforgettable. He had dark, almost black hair and deep brown eyes. He must have been a few years above me, judging by his facial hair was so thick, not like a 16 year olds. Anyway I wondered if he would throw something into me or insult me, but nothing happend for a while so I nodded shyly.

\- My name is Jack - he offered me a hand and I didn't wanted to take it, however he added - don't be afraid I won't hurt you - so I touched his palm. - I just want to talk about your brother - about Zack? - he never mentioned being friends with this Jack fella. Okay, in fact we didn't even talked in a past month at all. I hoped he didn't do something stupid. I would never forgive myself.

\- What about Zack? - i reacted to him worriedly. The situation confused me, because he looked like a friendly guy, also it could have been a camouflage too. The gang of his was popular and notorious for being casanovas, play with peoples trust to be more successful in crimes or cheating.

\- He... Ehmm... So we have a project to do together, but he... How shall I say? He doesn't talk at all - he looked embrassed. Like it was hard to bring up the topic in front of me, even though he had benefits from doing it. - At first we spoke a few words, now he tells me nothing and it's really distracting when we have to work on something - it was totally weird and uncommon. Zack hadn't been talkative, but at schoolwork he was always careful to do the best he can. He was a maximalist. I couldn't think of anything which can change his way of thinking about his studying methods. He might have been depressed. Shit.

\- I can try to talk to him, but I don't promise anything. Is this okay with you? - as I spoke, I felt like I was dying to have a conversation with my sibling as we had them regularly before. I hoped that we could make up our relationship before it gets worse.

\- Thanks. You're saving my life. My grade is mostly depends on this project - I didn't know what shall I say back, I just smiled. He made that impression that he was an actually nice guy and I didn't wanted to disappoint him with the fact that I wouldn't help a lot in his situation.

***

When I came home I went straight to my room and started my homework. I was really tired and wanted to go to bed early. School was hard, we had a lot of tests coming up and I had no idea how to manage things in my fucked up life anymore.

I nearly finished with the studies when I heard an aggressive knock on my door. I told them it's free to come inside. I found my weird faced brother in my room a few seconds later. He looked like he was going to explode, he scared me if I wanted to be honest.

\- I saw you with Jack - he yelled at me with a high pitched voice. - What the hell he told you? - it was unexpected. If Jack was only his study partner why should he be pissed, cause I spoke to him? I was afraid he had more issues with this guy. I liked him at first sensation, but he was part of the bad gang and they could've done anything to harm us and it scared me to death.

\- He told me that you have a common project which makes the major part of his and I bet your grade too - I pointed at him with my finger and almost shouted - He was worried about you not talking to him at all - he walked around in circles and was pretty upset. I've never seen that side of him and it made me curious. There must have been more between them than a usual partnership in a boring class.

\- That son of a bitch - Zack sword and it was also unheard from him. He rarely said bad words, he was too gently for them.

\- Is everything okay? - I was confused and hoped that he didn't do something stupid. I fucked up the family already, they didn't needed an another kid who got into trouble.

\- Don't worry sis - said a bit calmer and sat down on my bed. He grabbed my left arm and pulled it closer to his face, kissed it softly and I couldn't help but fallen to his chest. He hugged me with his big muscles tightly. That was the time when I started crying. I missed these moments so much.

\- Zacky? If you were in trouble you would tell me. Hmm? - I mumbled into his shoulder. I hoped he was still my best friend, but I couldn't blame him if he would think it differently after every mistake that I made.

\- Of course Darling! - he finished the interaction and looked into my eyes. He was so scared of something and I couldn't help but felt sorry for him. - It's about my stupidity.

\- Don't be like this. Zachary you are the greatest man I know. Totally. You are anything but stupid, so stop blaming yourself - I rubbed his back. His eyes became all wet and he tried to hide his face, but I saw the tears falling onto his cheeks. I wondered what he have done, what caused that he had a complete breakdown in front of me.

\- If I tell you something, can you promise not to tell anyone? Even if you are judging me for it - I nodded furiously, while he took a deep breath and confessed - Lilly, I've hook up with Jack. That night - he admitted it shyly. - I haven't been there for you, cause I was with that dickhead. He doesn't even understand why I'm upset about this.

\- Woahh - it surprised me. I never had guessed that my big jock brother prefers boys. I mean I didn't hate him for it just it was unpredictable. It made me glad too, cause he didn't do something stupid. I mean he didn't say that they were hooking up, but it was pretty obvious. I don't think he could've stop me from sleeping with Alex anyway. - It's okay. I am perfectly okay with it. Calm down - he was shaking from the nervousness. I hugged him as tight as I could to make sure he felt loved. I was proud of him for telling me about his deepest secret. I felt that he trusted me again, it made me overjoyed.

\- Are you sure? - his eyes grew wide.

\- Yes. I thought he got you into trouble or something - I had to be honest, he deserved it after he confessed his secret for me. I didn't want to push him further, so I wouldn't ask more question. We sat on my bed quietly, enjoying each others closeness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this chapter. New one is coming soon.
> 
> A


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So guys. I rewrote this chapter, cause I hated its end. I have a bit of a writers block/have lack of idea for this story, but I want to improve it in the near future. I hope I'll be interested in further chapters.
> 
> Anyway, enjoy it. :)

Our relationship with Zack improved. I can say it became better than it was before we didn't talk for a month. Two weeks after he visited me, we hang out in his room. He jammed on his bass enthusiasticly and I couldn't help, but laugh on how silly he acted. He listened to my guitar session and corrected a few mistakes. He was like an imaginary big brother from books or movies. I haven't brought up his love life, in return he didn't ask about mine.

\- I think you're getting better - he stated it from out of nowhere. I was sure he meant the music, nevertheless he could think of something else too. I believe I developed a few paranoid imagination. 

\- Thank you - I blushed slightly on his compliment. - I wouldn't know anything without your guidence. 

\- Sweet - he smiled at me while he twang on his bass. He wasn't much of a talker, but I could tell he had something to say. 

\- Let it out - I encouraged him with a small touch on his arm.

\- No, it's nothing - he shook his head sourly. - I have these stupid thoughts that's all - I hugged him without hesitation. Finally we had the intimacy again, so I could do it fearlessly.

\- Me too - I whispered into his ear. - We'll get over it together - he kissed my forehead as we broke the connection. My heart warmed up by the act. I cried a little to be perfectly honest.

 

***

 

I was woken up by the cool October wind on a Saturday morning. Zack went to a party a day before and my parents visited some relatives in New York. I stayed at home for the weekend. Not that I had other options to spend my freetime with. I got up to close the slight opened window when a sudden nousea hit me. I reached the still hesitantly and waited for the sick feeling to pass. I felt better after a minute or two, although I've decided to skip breakfast. 

I had a blurry memory from my childhood while I sat on my bed and watched one of our favourite family movie, Marley and Me. That film reminded me of how great our dynamics was a few years back. Daddy always cried in the end, Mom made us cinnamon rolls for dinner and Zack begged them to have a puppy. We did like that multiple times. Amazing days, way different than the current situation was. 

When I awoke from the emotional shock, I went to check on my social media sites. It wasn't the best idea, as it turned out. Alex uploaded party pictures and I felt myself sick again. He disgusted me with his lifestyle, I regretted losing my virginity to him. I was too stupid to stop, I couldn't get over the fact how huge mistake it was.

 

***

 

Halloween afternoon I just finished my shopping tour in the mall, went to the parking lot immediately. I was inside my thoughts deeply. I decided to throw a party for myself. I bought food and drinks to celebrate the day of uncountable sweety junks. I was about to reach my vehicle when I noticed some unpleasant faces. I tried to avoid them, yet they got closer to my car.

\- Hey sweetheart - one of them greeted me blandly. - Can we take you home? It's not too safe here.

\- Thanks, but no - I took a few steps back to be in a position to sit inside quickly. I almost opened the door when a huge arm stopped me. I started to fear.

\- Not so fast Beautiful - he whispered to me intoxicatedly. - We're not finished here.

\- Leave me alone - I shouted as loud as I could. One guy grabbed me from the back and placed his palm on my mouth, so I couldn't make noises. The lot was empty, the shops were about to close, everyone was at home, preparing for the evening. I was taped.

\- You're a nasty little girl. Aren't you? - couldn't recognise who spoke or how many of them were there. I was terrified and my phone was unreachable at that moment. I felt my end when something unexpected happened.

\- Gentlemen, will you please leave the lady alone? - a deep, determined tone spoke up for me. I looked up to my saviour when the jerk set me free finally. It was Pete Wetz himself. - Thank you. - he patted his hand on the assholes' sholuder gently, but strongly at the same time. - Now I think you must be busy. We don't aquire your company anymore - the gang did what they were asked to and went away for good immidiately.

\- Is everything alright? - Jack touched my back caringly. So Pete wasn't alone. There were at least 3 other fella with him. One of them was my brothers crush.

\- Yes - I breathed out hesitantly. - Thank you. - I turned my head to Pete and he nodded back with a cheeky half smile. He was about to leave already.

\- I'll drive you home if you don't mind - suggested Jack generously. 

\- S-sure. Thanks - I was still in shock so I accepted his offer. His friends walked to a huge BMW while we sat inside my old machine. 

\- They didn't hurt you right? - he asked gently, as he started the engine.

\- No - I played with my hair like a hurt child. - You came in time.

\- They're from an other district. Like to cause trouble here. Luckily we were in the cinema and scared them away - he smirked disgustedly. - they won't go back for a few days - he explained as if these topics were as common as cooking pasta.

\- Pete's scary - I whispered mainly to myself. I didn't know if I can tell it to him or is it inappropriet.

\- He's great actually. Likes to play how strong leader he's, but a loyal friend and big clown - it was hard to believe, although Jack must knew him better.

\- I live in the next street where you can turn left - I explained it to him, I was glad to arrive home finally.

\- Before you go in, can I ask something? - he parked the car in front of the house and turned to me curiously.

\- Sure - I allowed a wide smile to him, as I knew he'd question me of Zack.

\- You know, your brother still not talking to me - he looked into my eyes bitterly. - Can you please tell him that I have no intentions to disturb him. We just need to work together and he's making it hard for both of us.

\- Have you tried to talk to him outside of school? - I didn't know what to say really. I was the last one who should give advices concerning socialising.

\- Yes, countless times - he seemed desperately lost. He might liked my brother back. - Let's leave it. I hope you'll get over the accident. Take care.

\- Thank you for saving me - I gave a kiss on his cheek. It was so random from me. He gave me a hug in return before he left.

 

I never thought in my life that I'd make friends with the bad boys. I mean, I can't say we had decent relationship, despite I've got closer to Jack I believe. He wasn't as wrong as he made himself look like. I hoped Zack would accept his feelings and get on well with him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading it. I'd be glad for improvement suggestions. I'm not too experienced writer yet.
> 
> See you soon with new content. 
> 
> Xxx

**Author's Note:**

> If you liked it please give a sign for me to see if I should continue it.


End file.
